few and far between

When it comes to self loathing i am a natural. Bred into me you can say, and believe me it is not a self esteem issue, because there are days when i cannot leave the house for the size of my head.

 Yes i do think im the shit...
But i am also realistic. I try very hard to not lie to myself, and keep my egomaniacal tendencies under control.
I am very aware of my short comings, mostly because i remind myself of them constantly.
I wont go through the trouble of listing them here but be sure there are more than a few.

I wonder however, do many other people do this same neurotic thing? On one hand believe in their greatness, and on the other stamp down any sense of accomplishment or self worth...

I only ask this because i walk through the world and see many people in it that seem completely secure in the knowledge that they are nothing shot of amazing , despite there obvious deficits.
I always thought in order to have a sense of accomplishment, you actually had to accomplish...

Back to me. I am endlessly self absorbed. Not to the lengths of drowning in my own reflection, but i do spend an obnoxiously large part of my day thinking about my place in the universe. So my dilemma is that I have always felt out of place, like i have been planted in the wrong time/Space
My priorities are out of wack with this current moment in history, and that is what causes me to obsess about my self. Now this is not a new realization for me, on the contrary i have been developing this theory for many years, it has only just recently cristalized to the point that i can verbalize it. This it comes out awkward and rough like stones.

 So this is the conclusion i am beginning to come to.
 
I am the accumulation of millions of years of DNA mixings. and for better or worse i am in this particular body, on this particular continent at this particular time. There were systems put in place before i arrived ( Political systems, monetary systems, religious systems, ect)  that i have been indoctrinated into. I am in the process of reversing my indoctrination to these systems in order to find a place of purity of existence, so that i may relate to the world with balance.

I have no findings yet, other than that we are a confused people with a short memory searching for meaning like everyone else.

Imagine FX #90

Thank you Imagine FX

Natural Order of the Universe

I am a firm believer in universal laws... I think that the universe, and therefore our world operates by certain principals. you can chooses to go against these universal principals and suffer the consequences (which i have many times) or you can choose to operate within the universal principals and enjoy a certain amount of control over the outcomes in your life.  

I only mention this because we are once again headed for another presidential election. We, collectively are operating under the incorrect premise that we have a say in those universal laws that play so heavily in our lives. We can choose a new national leader, but that does not change the universe any more than it changes us. Rather than trying to impose our will upon the universe, which akin to an ant imposing it's will upon a human toe, perhaps we should begin living inside those universal principals. 

Just a thought

Nectar of the Gods

 Back in the Swing of things here at NMSU. Teaching is weird. I am not a particularly outgoing person, and now I have a room full of people who have no choice but to listen to me. Wait till they find out I am just pretending to be an adult. Aside from that I am taking two classes this semester, gives me more time with the wife and kids. they are two classes i am interested in so that helps a lot. I am taking 2D animation with Eddie Bakshi, Ralph Bakshi's son.  For those of you still Pink
Ralph is the man. I hope I get to meet him.

First Post

Here it is, I have been putting this off for a while... For a variety of reasons, but mostly because i am a firm believer in the notion that just because you have something to say doesn't mean that it deserves to be heard.

There is a lot of talk in the world, the internet especially. so i needed to feel like what i was saying was not just more babble. Mental garbage for some poor bastard to read and take up valuable brain storage when i could just as easily not have put it out there in the first place.

The truth however is that I need an outlet as well as a way to make new connections and display my ideas.

off I go...

My Deviantart Account