few and far between

When it comes to self loathing i am a natural. Bred into me you can say, and believe me it is not a self esteem issue, because there are days when i cannot leave the house for the size of my head.

 Yes i do think im the shit...
But i am also realistic. I try very hard to not lie to myself, and keep my egomaniacal tendencies under control.
I am very aware of my short comings, mostly because i remind myself of them constantly.
I wont go through the trouble of listing them here but be sure there are more than a few.

I wonder however, do many other people do this same neurotic thing? On one hand believe in their greatness, and on the other stamp down any sense of accomplishment or self worth...

I only ask this because i walk through the world and see many people in it that seem completely secure in the knowledge that they are nothing shot of amazing , despite there obvious deficits.
I always thought in order to have a sense of accomplishment, you actually had to accomplish...

Back to me. I am endlessly self absorbed. Not to the lengths of drowning in my own reflection, but i do spend an obnoxiously large part of my day thinking about my place in the universe. So my dilemma is that I have always felt out of place, like i have been planted in the wrong time/Space
My priorities are out of wack with this current moment in history, and that is what causes me to obsess about my self. Now this is not a new realization for me, on the contrary i have been developing this theory for many years, it has only just recently cristalized to the point that i can verbalize it. This it comes out awkward and rough like stones.

 So this is the conclusion i am beginning to come to.
 
I am the accumulation of millions of years of DNA mixings. and for better or worse i am in this particular body, on this particular continent at this particular time. There were systems put in place before i arrived ( Political systems, monetary systems, religious systems, ect)  that i have been indoctrinated into. I am in the process of reversing my indoctrination to these systems in order to find a place of purity of existence, so that i may relate to the world with balance.

I have no findings yet, other than that we are a confused people with a short memory searching for meaning like everyone else.